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It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a
few beers. You get up to leave because you have work
the next day and one of your friends buys another
round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level
one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is
silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep
(snap fingers), I'm cool.". It's midnight. You've had a few more
beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against
artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at
level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder.
And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my
friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the
good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours
sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.". One in the morning. You've abandoned beer
for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR
artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our
waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever
seen!" At level three, you love the world. On
the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the
stranger at the end of the bar just because you like
his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey
fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live
together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could
cook.") But at level three, that devil is a
little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're
thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I
get three hours sleep...and a complete change of
blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.". Two in the morning. And the devil is
bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of
rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on
your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at
the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his
face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is
the best looking man I've ever seen." You and
your friends decide to leave, right after you get
thrown out, and one of you knows an ...after hours
bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to
yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to
get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY
UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't
mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith
Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work
for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep
tomorrow ...................cool. Five in the morning. after unsuccessfully
trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor
("But I don't even know anybody named
Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across
the state line in a bar with guys who have been in
prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind
of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I
gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got
that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At
this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick
blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A
waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you
think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that
girl!!" One of your friends stands up and
screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"-
and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then
you hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You
weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You
walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on
their way to work, or jogging. And they look at
you-and they know. And they say..."Who's
Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you
stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've
beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun
is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer
then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how
long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have
that little addition, "and this time, I mean
it!"
Last edited by azzit on Thu Jun 17 10:26:03 1999
Page No. 100
Five Stages Of Drinking
LEVEL 1:
LEVEL 2:
LEVEL 3:
LEVEL 4:
LEVEL 5:
Page No. 100
