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101 Easy Ways To Say No
I'd really love to, but...
- I have to floss my cat.
- I've dedicated my life to
linguini.
- I want to spend more
time with my blender.
- the President said he might
drop in.
- the man on television
told me to stay tuned.
- I've been scheduled for a karma
transplant.
- I'm staying home to
work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
- it's my parakeet's bowling
night.
- it wouldn't be fair to
the other Beautiful People.
- I'm building a pig from a kit.
- I did my own thing and
now I've got to undo it.
- I'm enrolled in aerobic scream
therapy.
- there's a disturbance
in the Force.
- I'm doing door-to-door
collecting for static cling.
- I have to go to the
post office to see if I'm still wanted.
- I'm teaching my ferret to
yodel.
- I have to check the
freshness dates on my dairy products.
- I'm going through cherry
cheesecake withdrawl.
- I'm planning to go
downtown to try on gloves.
- my crayons all melted together.
- I'm trying to see how
long I can go without saying yes.
- I'm in training to be a
household pest.
- I'm getting my overalls
overhauled.
- my patent is pending.
- I'm attending the
opening of my garage door.
- I'm sandblasting my oven.
- I'm worried about my
vertical hold.
- I'm going down to the bakery to
watch the buns rise.
- I'm being deported.
- the grunion are running.
- I'll be looking for a
parking space.
- my Millard Filmore Fan Club
meets then.
- the monsters haven't
turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
- I'm taking punk totem pole
carving.
- I have to fluff my
shower cap.
- I'm converting my calendar
watch from Julian to Gregorian.
- I've come down with a
really horrible case of something or other.
- I made an appointment with a
cuticle specialist.
- my plot to take over
the world is thickening.
- I have to fulfill my potential.
- I don't want to leave
my comfort zone.
- it's too close to the turn of
the century.
- I have some real hard
words to look up in the dictionary.
- my subconscious says no.
- I'm giving nuisance
lessons at a convenience store.
- I left my body in my other
clothes.
- the last time I went, I
never came back.
- I've got a Friends of Rutabaga
meeting.
- I have to answer all of
my "occupant" letters.
- none of my socks match.
- I have to be on the
next train to Bermuda.
- I'm having all my plants
neutered.
- people are blaming me
for the Spanish-American War.
- I changed the lock on my door
and now I can't get out.
- I'm making a home movie
called "The Thing That Grew in My
Refrigerator."
- I'm attending a perfume
convention as guest sniffer.
- my yucca plant is
feeling yucky.
- I'm touring China with a wok
band.
- my
chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
- I never go out on days that end
in "Y."
- my mother would never
let me hear the end of it.
- I'm running off to Yugoslavia
with a foreign-exchange student named Basil
Metabolism.
- I just picked up a book
called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put
it down.
- I'm too old/young for that
stuff.
- I have to
wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
- I have too much guilt.
- there are important
world issues that need worrying about.
- I have to draw
"Cubby" for an art scholarship.
- I'm uncomfortable when
I'm alone or with others.
- I promised to help a friend
fold road maps.
- I feel a song coming
on.
- I'm trying to be less popular.
- my bathroom tiles need
grouting.
- I have to bleach my hare.
- I'm waiting to see if
I'm already a winner.
- I'm writing a love letter to
Richard Simmons.
- you know how we psychos
are.
- my favorite commercial is on
TV.
- I have to study for a
blood test.
- I'm going to be old someday.
- I've been traded to
Cincinnati.
- I'm observing National Apathy
Week.
- I have to rotate my
crops.
- my uncle escaped again.
- I'm up to my elbows in
waxy buildup.
- I have to knit some dust
bunnies for a charity bazaar.
- I'm having my baby
shoes bronzed.
- I have to go to court for kitty
littering.
- I'm going to count the
bristles in my toothbrush.
- I have to thaw some karate
chops for dinner.
- having fun gives me
prickly heat.
- I'm going to the Missing
Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
- I have to jog my
memory.
- my palm reader advised against
it.
- my Dress For Obscurity
class meets then.
- I have to stay home and see if
I snore.
- I prefer to remain an
enigma.
- I think you want the OTHER
[your name] .
- I have to sit up with a
sick ant.
- I'm trying to cut down.
- ... well, maybe.
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