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Some Important
Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God
as a Computer Programmer. Q: Why does God allow evil
to happen? Q: Does God know everything? Q: What causes God to
intervene in earthly affairs? Q: Did God really create the world in seven days? Q: How come the Age of
Miracles Ended? Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big
Bang? Q: Who is Satan? Q: What is the role of sinners? Q: Where will I go after I
die? Q: Will I be reincarnated? Q: Am I unique and special
in the universe? Q: What is the purpose of the universe? Q: If I pray to God, will he
listen? Q: What is the one true religion? Q: Is God angry that we
crucified him? Q: How can I protect myself from evil? Q: Some people claim they
hear the voice of God. Is this true? Q: Some people say God is Love.
Last edited by azzit on Sat Jun 12 20:21:04 1999
Page No. 20
If God Was A Computer Programmer
Q: Does God control everything that happens in my
life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to
step through all those variables.
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.
A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out
what goes on in the overnite job.
A: If an critical error occurs, the system pages him
automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up.
Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and
candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his
girlfriend had left him.
A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are
in the maintenance phase.
A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but
personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.
A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers
than he actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers
are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but
irrelevant.
A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to
mess up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.
A: Onto a DAT tape.
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And
searching those tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a
request for you, God will just say that the tape has been
lost.
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites
running exact duplicates of you in the present release
version.
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity,
but then the users and managers demanded he tack all this
senseless stuff onto it and now everything is more
complicated and expensive than ever.
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can
just get off his back and let him program.
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so
just pick the one that best suits your needs and don't let
anyone put you down.
A: Let's just say he's not going to any more meetings if he
can help it, because that last one with the twelve managers
and the food turned out to be murder.
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name,
a common word, or a date like your birthday.
A: They are much more likely to receive email.
A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the
form of a question.
Page No. 20
