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Top 64 Ways To Piss Off A Cop
- When you get pulled
over, say, "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no
blood in my alcohol."
- When he asks why you were
speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
- When he talks to you,
pretend you are deaf
- If he asks if you knew how fast
you were going, say, "No. My speedometer only
goes up to..."
- Touch him.
- When he asks you why you were
speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
- Ask him where he bought
his cool hat.
- Refer to him by his first name.
- Pretend you are gay and
ask him out.
- When he says no, cry.
- If he says yes, accuse
him of sexual harrasment.
- If the cop is a woman, tell her
how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
- If he asks you to step
out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the
hood.
- When he asks you to spread 'em,
tell him you don't go that way.
- When he puts on the
handcuffs, say, "My dates usually buy me dinner
first."
- Ask to be fingerprinted with
candy, 'cause you don't like to get ink on your
fingers.
- After you sign the
ticket and give it back to him, say, "Oooops!
That's the wrong name."
- Bribe him with donuts and when
he agrees, tell him, "Sorry, I just ate the last
one."
- When he comes up to the
car, say, "licence and registration,
please" right when he says it.
- When he starts to read your
rights, sing, "La La La La, I can't hear
you!"
- Trip and fall into him.
- Accuse him to police brutality
when he pushes you away.
- Before you sign the
ticket, pick your nose. (you are using his pen).
- Chew on the pen, nervously.
- Clean your ear with the
pen.
- If it's a click pen, take it
apart and play with the spring.
- Ask if he has a
daughter. If he says yes, say, "I thought that
name sound familiar..."
- Ask him if he ever worked in a
prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
- Act like you're
retarded.
- When he's telling you what you
did wrong, start repeating him, quietly
- Or mumble to yourself.
- When he tells you to stop, say
"What are you talking about, DUDE ?"
- Drive the Dunkin' Donut
and say, "Hmmmmmm...only five of you here
tonight..."
- Ask if they know how to make
the donuts
- When he comes to the
car, say, "I have a badge just like that."
- Ask if he watches
"COPS."
- Ask if he ever watched
"Cop Rock".
- Giggle if he did
- Talk to your hand.
- Ask him if he knows Rosy Palmer
and her five favorite friends.
- Accuse him of sexual
harrassment if he does.
- When he frisks you, grin and
say, "You missed a spot..."
- When he asks to inspect
your car, say, "There is no alcohol in my car,
sir. The last cop took it."
- Try to sell him your car.
- Ask if you can buy his
car.
- If he takes you to the station,
ask to sit up front.
- Play with the siren
- If you know him, tell him you
had his wife for dinner.
- If you don't know him,
ask if you can have his wife for dinner.
- Ooopps...I meant
"OVER" for dinner.
- Ask if he ever had
poon-tang.
- If he asks what that is, point
at him and giggle.
- If there is someone
else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
- When he acts confused, keep
talking, look at him, and laugh.
- When you are in the
back of his car, touch his neck through the screen.
- Turn your head and whistle.
- When he pulls out his
night stick, ask, "What are you gonna do with
that?"
- If you are a female, say,
"I don't do that on the first date."
- If he sticks you in the
back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your
thumb, and whine.
- Ask if you can see his gun.
- When he says it isn't
allowed, tell him, "I just wanted to see if mine
is bigger"
- Stare at his lights and say,
"Look at the pretty colors"
- Tell him you like men
in uniforms.
- Ask if you can borrow his
uniform for a Halloween party.
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