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102 Ways Barney Should Die
- Nitroglycerin suppository
- My First (and Last) Dr. Kervorkian approved
suicide/euthanasia kit
- Paper cuts from hate mail
- Wine press
- Random act of terrorism
- Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g.
1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
- Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
- Exploding gas barbecue
- Date with Lorena Bobbit / Tonya Harding
- Rusty meat hook
- Pulp digester / Saw mill
- Sexually transmitted disease
- Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu
- Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to
open).
- Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la
vista...BARNEY!".
- Exploding school bus
- Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney
loves to spread love and happiness to all of the
carnivores.
- Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide
- Sacrifice to a tribal god
- Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper
shredder)
- Trampling by thousands of tiny spongy feet
- Asphyxiation on a twinkie
- Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck
- 1000 RPM merry-go-round
- Building sand castles in a quicksand box
- Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road
- Tail caught in elevator doors
- Legalization of purple slavery
- Home lobotomy kit
- Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated
acid (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulfuric,
or hydrochloric)
- Add crushed glass to his granola or high
fibre cereal.
- Thrown in a vat of bleach.
- Close encounter with a white supramastoid.
- Sucked into a turbo-prop engine
- Submerged into a CANDU reactor
- Swarmed by killer bees
- Purple parasites
- Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel
- Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)
- Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
- Assilimation by the Borg.
- Acupuncture with a nail gun
- Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he
explodes.
- Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw
- Hit and run at a school crossing
- Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
- Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1,
ignition!
- Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle
during reentry.
- Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
- Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
- Harpooned by a whaling ship
- Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and
"accidentally" pummelled with a baseball
bat (guess they found the glass transition
temperature).
- Served as Thanksgiving dinner
- Eaten by the homeless (Barney pate anyone?)
- OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that
propane tank while full.
- Mistaken for a Pinyata
- Run over by a zamboni
- "I love you" song triggers avalanche.
- "Accidentally" shoved in front of a
subway train.
- Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY.
- Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation
temperature.
- Crushed between plates in a fault line.
- Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed
into McBarney patties (would you like McFries with
that?)
- Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile
strength of Barney?
- Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys
and girls. This is what can happen to you if you
don't wear your seat belt.
- Barney becomes one with Oscar Meyer.
- Barney used as shark bait.
- Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
- Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu
Knives. Even after cutting this tin can, the ginsu
knives rip through purple flesh with ease.
- Diplomatic mission with Klingons
- Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
- Nato air strike.
- Live organ donor.
- Egyptian mummification ritual.
- Plummet into an active volcano.
- Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants.
- Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
- Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
- Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
- Purple Jonestown reagent.
- Visit to the taxidermist.
- Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
- Take him off Prozac.
- Forced to watch "the Wall" video without
his happy pills.
- 100 hours of continuous "Black
Sabbath".
- Give him a lead role in a snuff film.
- Tar and feathered by crazed parents.
- Spontaneous combustion.
- Bludgeoned to purple paste.
- Compressed to a singularity.
- Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
- Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
- The plague
- Extruded through microcapilliaries.
- Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
- Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about
the sudden stop.
- Salt water enema.
- Pre-mortem autopsy reveals that Barney's head is full
of worms.
- Massage with a stun gun.
- Heat pasteurization.
- Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
- Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.
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