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24 Things Women Should Know
- SportsCenter starts at
11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to
pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your
sister.
- Two hot dogs and a beer at a
baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to
dinner.
- Unlike you, we
essentially want to dress just exactly like all our
friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the
Gap, J. Crew or the local Patagonia store.
- If we see you in the morning
and at night, why call us at work?
- Butthead is the smart
one.
- Is it too much to ask to have
the bra match the underwear?
- You probably don't want
to know what we're thinking about.
- Silence does not need to be
filled with discussions about "us" and
"the relationship."
- Things you can help
with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes,
cleaning, and grocery shopping.
- Things you should let us do
alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything
on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and picking out
the beer.
- Socks never constitute
a gift.
- Department stores and malls
were designed so that when you want to look at bed
linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always
some speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby.
- We don't know anything
about handbags. Don't even ask.
- We did water the plants. They
died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
- Even if you think he's
cute, Kevin Costner can't act.
- Of course, neither can Elle
McPherson, but she had the good sense to do
"Sirens" rather than
"Waterworld."
- Curley is the bald one.
- Compromise does not mean that
we abandon our position in favor of yours.
- Sports Illustrated is a
better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that.
- Its in neither your interest
nor ours to take the Quiz together.
- Unless you are willing
to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal Ripken, Wayne
Gretzky, Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and
Chris Farley, don't expect us to know what Helen
Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your
mother are up to.
- Sex on a weeknight is generally
welcome. Three hours of post-coital conversation are
not.
- Dinner out is a pretty
good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are
even better.
- No, you can't have the remote
control.
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