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LAWYER JOKES
It had to happen sooner or later. Lawyer Dobbins was
wheeled into the emergency room on a stretcher, rolling
his head in agony. Doctor Green came over to see him.
Last edited by azzit on Sat Jun 12 20:33:19 1999
Page No. 96
Sooner or Later
"Dobbins," he said, "What an honor. The
last time I saw you was in court when you accused me of
malpractice."
"Doc. Doc. My side is on fire. The pain is right
here. What could it be?"
"How would I know? You told the jury I wasn't fit to
be a doctor."
"I was only kidding, Doc. When you represent a
client you don't know what you're saying. Could I be
passing a kidney stone?"
"Your diagnosis is as good as mine."
"What are you talking about?"
"When you questioned me on the stand you indicated
you knew everything there was to know about the practice
of medicine."
"Doc, I'm climbing the wall. Give me
something."
"Let's say I give you something for a kidney stone
and it turns out to be a gallstone. Who is going to pay
for my court costs?"
"I'll sign a paper that I won't sue."
"Can I read to you from the transcript of the trial?
Lawyer Dobbins: 'Why were you so sure that my client had
tennis elbow?'
Dr. Green: 'I've treated hundreds of people with tennis
elbow and I know it when I see it.'
Dobbins: 'It never occured to you my client could have an
Excedrin headache?'
Green: 'No, there were no signs of an Excedrin headache.'
Dobbins: 'You and your ilk make me sick.' "
"Why are you reading that to me?"
"Because, Dobbins, since the trial I've lost
confidence in making a diagnosis. A lady came in the
other day limping ..."
"Please, Doc, I don't want to hear it now. Give me
some Demerol."
"You said during the suit that I dispensed drugs
like a drunken sailor. I've changed my ways, Dobbins. I
don't prescribe drugs anymore."
"Then get me another doctor."
"There are no other doctors on duty. The reason I'm
here is that after the malpractice suit the sheriff
seized everything in my office.
This is the only place that I can practice."
"If you give me something to releive the pain I will
personally appeal your case to a higher court."
"You know, Dobbins, I was sure that you were a prime
candidate for a kidney stone."
"You can't tell a man is a candidate for a kidney
stone just by looking at him."
"That's what you think, Dobbins. You had so much
acid in you when you addressed the jury I knew some of it
eventually had to crystallize into stones. Remember on
the third day when you called me the 'Butcher of
Operating Room 6'? That afternoon I said to my wife,
"That man is going to be in a lot of pain.' "
"Okay, Doc, you've had your ounce of flesh. Can I
now have my ounce of Demerol?"
"I better check you out first."
"Don't check me out, just give the dope."
"But in court the first question you asked me was if
I had examined the patient completely. It would be
negligent of me if I didn't do it now. Do you mind
getting up on the scale?"
"What for?"
"To find out your height. I have to be prepared in
case I get sued and the lawyer asks me if I knew how tall
you were."
"I'm not going to sue you."
"You say that now. But how can I be sure you won't
file a writ after you pass the kidney stone?"
Page No. 96
